Hey Guess What Everyone!

Amy will be here tomorrow and I cant wait to give her the biggest hug ever. I need to laugh and she is definetly the woman for the job!

Life is Good and Saturday is near... which means that Amy will be here! Yeah Baby! I am so stoked.

This is insane.

Who beats someone over the head with a dead dog.

Life Update....

So it's saturday and I have the day off and I slept late and I have been goofing off on the internet for the last three hrs. I had two relatives die this last week and can only hope that this is the end of the death and sadness. I'm realy looking forward to school starting and meeting people I have things in common with, people I can call up for a lunch or go have coffee with when you just want to shoot the shit. My friends Kelly and Matt finally ran off and got married. I was pissed that she didn't tell me, not that pissed, I don't realy blame her and they did it in classic style went to the court house got married and then snapped a wedding photo on Kellys cell phone as they were walking out the door! I am so happy for them after 10 years they deserve to be hitched. I suppose Amy is next and then Clint and Dawn and who knows which other spontaneous couples will run to the altar before the year is up. The only thing I am positive of is that it will not be me. I bought a new fish to replace the one that died on my birthday. He is a Beta and his name is Indigo. I was realy looking forward to going home this weekend and my mom told me to wait and then I find out today there was no reason for me to wait so I should have just come home. So who knows when I will make it there now. Anyways thats the update of my boring life.

Men Suck!

I hate men, All of you fucking suck. You can't make up your goddamn minds about what you want, and you always have to have the last word. Even if it means sticking it to the person who is already standing in front of you in tears.

Feeling Yuck!

So I am feeling kind of yuck. I am prone to panick attacks but it has been a realy long time since I've had one. Well I had a minor one when we were in Omaha but it had been a long day and I was tired and had been out in the sun all day and there was lots of excitement and new people. So that was not realy a big deal. But yesterday and today I keep having these minor episodes and I fear it's going to explode into a major episode. I'm afraid my doc might be complete crap and is not monitoring my medication as appropriately as he should be. I don't know but either way it realy sucks. I know it will pass it always does. But I hate this feeling.

Watch Out USD!!!!!

I AM REGISTERED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now if only I could get that god damn web advisor thingy to work.

Second things Second.. but for sake of your reading I suppose it's Second things first...

I went to therapy this morning, and I do not like my therapist. I'm sitting there and she keeps asking me whats wrong with me, what I need to work on, and I can't think of anything. OK well I can but I'm not ready to work on it or talk about it yet, and I don't know if I ever will be. So I talk to her about my obsessive boredom and my need to be entertained and my urge to runaway to AZ for no apparent reason, and what does she do she starts enabling this behavior. She actually starts giving me options as to how to move to AZ and make it easier. And I'm like what the fuck are you listening to anything I am saying lady? So then as the hour is closing she tells me that I have acomplished all of the goals I had set out to accomplish and until I had new goals there was no reason to continue therapy. So when I was ready to work on something to call her. Now my other therapist would talk to me about anything at all. I could ramble aimlessly which would eventually lead to something of importance. So I just don't like her I don't feel that someone needs to be crazy to go to therapy, there doesn't have to be something wrong. Sometimes just having someone there to listen to you sort it all out is helpful. something laying it all out on a stranger is better than laying it all out on your friends. So I think once I'm fully registered and all that good crap I will switch to a therapist at the University. Maybe I can find someone who will want to listen to me even if I don't know exactly what is wrong, or what needs to be fixed.

First things first

So I have a couple of things going on. I think I will start with the apartment. So I need to move because as many of you know I have a two bedroom apartment and no longer have a roomate. Plus as much as I love the apartment I don't think I'll ever realy think of it as just mine, and even as the days go on it still feels like something is missing. With school starting I had wanted an apartment closer to Vermillion, something cheaper. Well at the moment I am looking at two options.

One is I found someone that needs a roomate who owns a trailor in Vtown the rent would be way cheap but I would have to pay half the electric and utilities which in a trailor can be insanely expensive. The cats wouldn't be a problem and I would be close to school. But I can't move in until August, I don't know the person I would be living with I wouldn't have my own space I would be in my own room in someone elses house.

Option two the house diagonal from where I live is aparently not a house but an apartment building. The person who was living in the basement just moved out and they just finished reduing the entire apartment, and laying new carpet, I went and looked at it this afternoon and it's a nice size apartment, the bathroom is huge, I would have to share the washer and Dryer with the people upstairs or have them move the washer and dryer out of my apartment and I would have to continue to pay to due to my laundry. The rent is $100 cheaper no electricty, heat, garbage, water, or sewer bill, plus there is already Cable so I wouldn't have to pay for that either. It's one bedroom but it would be mine all mine. Now the plus side is it's across the street so I wouldn't have to worry about moving the stuff very far. My landlord is great and I wouldn't have to worry about signing another lease. I don't have to worry about a deposit or any of that stuff because he already has all of that stuff. It would be so much easier, but I would still be living in Yankton, but I realy like living in Yankton so what to do what to do. I told the landlord I would left him know on friday what I wanted to do.

Bush is an idiot

CNN News Article

I think Americans should figure out what their values are before
insisting others figure them out.

Floating

I feel like I'm just floating along. There was a position in the company I worked for in Scottsdale , AZ and at first I was like hmm interesting. And then I sort of did a double take and thought well I did go to school to work on computers, I could at least apply and see what happens, and then I thought Scottsdale, you are insane. There is no way your moving to Scottsdale. So then I just dropped the idea, until yesterday when I was talking to my supervisor who asked if I had thought anymore about applying, and I told him I didn't know if it was realy worth moving all the way to AZ and he informed me that the job payed $18.00 and I was like holy shit. But then when you take in the cost of living in Scottsdale which is just ridiculous, the amount of money it would cost me to move which would only be partially reimbursed by the company. It just doesn't seem worth it. But the idea of doing it and going somewhere exciting if even for a moment, actually made me smile.

So this morning I get to continue living my boring life. I have to go to the clinic and get a measle shot for the third time Im just like Jesus people come one. Otherwise I dont know . I'm not really unhappy at the moment, but I don't realy find myself jumping for joy. I feel myself constanty reaching out for people in my life only to find there not there or they don't care, or they just don't feel the same way. People who at times becomes utterly so self involved they forget I'm standing there. But again I think at times we all become a little self involved, I guess anyways. I wish I lived closer to some of my other friends, so we could go out and have a girls night. Oh well, for now I must run.

So I took the step..

I thought my fingers would literally fall off if I picked up a paint brush. But I did and my first painting turned out quite well, and the second one was complete crap. Then I switched mediums and tried a charcoal sketch that although not the best I've ever done I thought promising for someone who hasn't touched a piece of chalk in many years, let alone attempted a portrait. Although I had forgotten what an emotional roller coaster this all could be, and I wonder how I will handle the next years of my life. And asking myself if my art will truely fill all the voids in my life.

Zoo Time!

So I posted some of the pictures from the zoo. There were around 250 so obviously your not seeing all of them. I saw an orangutange in a diaper and it was the cutes thing ever. James bought me an adorable T-shirt that has three Orangutangs and a magnet and a key chain. Hi cousin Leslie was awesome. My most favorite relative so far. We also went to the book store and I was of course a nerd because thats how I am. I had a Curious George cake which I should post a pic of if I remember. All and all I had a blast. We ate at applebees and they gave us brownies and ice cream for Free.. Cuz I Rock! Anyhow today I am taking it easy lounging on the couch eating pizza and watching Date Movie. Which I rented despite the reviews and let me tell you it truely is the stupidest fucking movie ever.. Do not I repeate Do not watch this movie. I have yet to laugh and it's almost over, anyways I am being attacked by a fuzzy animal so I must run.