Everythings Illuminated

Finals Update

2007-12-17T21:00:00.000-06:00

I have to work tonight, and my head is still pounding from the British Literature test I took at 7:30 am this morning. Did I study, yes. Did I study correctly, I'm going to go with no on this one. I had no clue how to answer the questions on the test. This doesn't make my professor a dick or a bad teacher, it simply means I was unable to comprehend and correctly answer the questions he was asking. I had a restless night of sleep. My crack head neighbors were thumping their stereo until 3:00 am this morning and then started up again at 6:00 am. The cable company chose today of all days to do work on the lines so I was without internet and Cable until around 1:00 pm this afternoon. I went to the bar and had lunch followed by a white Russian and since I rarely drink it made me giddy this was followed by another white Russian which I could not finish because it was just to much alcohol although I do appreciate the gesture from the sweet old man who bought it for me. I don't have class tomorrow so my plan is to come home from work, stick in some ear plugs and sleep for a really long time and then get up and study for my biology final. The Christmas Tree is Up. Presents are wrapped under the tree and Christmas is right around the corner.

I Almost Killed My Cat!

2007-12-12T17:43:00.001-06:00

Yesterday I finally decided to get around to decorating my house for Christmas. I dug out the Keifer. I assembled it in the living room, and then to satisfy my need for a white tree I decided I would spray the green tree with fake snow to give it a nice winter look. I haven't used fake snow since I was a kid. So naturally I looked at the back of the bottle and read the directions, including how to apply and the warnings to follow. This included the big blue letters that stated to KEEP THIS PRODUCT AWAY FROM CHILDREN. This morning I wake up prepared to decorate the tree now that its dried and James informs me that Sadie will not stop licking the Christmas tree. Strange I say the other two cats don't seem to be licking the tree. So he ask me is it ok if she's licking the fake snow off the tree, and I think I don't see why not I read the back of the bottle I don't remember seeing anything about animals. So I go get the bottle and I read through the warnings section again, and in very small letters at the very end of the paragraph is says, "Do Not Let Pets Eat This Product" James immediately gets on the internet to look up the harmful side effects while I quickly dial the vet to find out what I should do. The vet informs me that fake snow has a strong salt base and can cause animals to intake too much liquid which is not good for there kidneys, we then locked all the cats in the bedroom while we tried to quickly unassembled this Christmas tree and put it back in its box. So the cats are alive but we have no Christmas tree, and other than putting it in the shower I have no idea how to get the stupid fake snow off the fake Christmas tree. So I think Friday I may end up purchasing that tree I've been talking about buying for three years now.

A Muppet Kind of Morning.

2007-12-01T08:49:00.000-06:00

What do you do when it's 8 in the morning and it's snowing outside. You watch the muppets! At least thats what I am doing. I figure if I have to listen to the freezing snow hit the roof of my trailer then watching A Muppets Christmas Carol would probablly be a good distracting, after all I need to get some sleep at some point.

Things are going good. I was so glad to not have to drive more then 2 blocks this morning, since it is so icky out and although I planned to do my grocery shopping later, it's not a mandatory thing so I may just lounge around and clean my room unless my overwhelming need for hot chocolate kicks in, then I may be forced to drive the 4 blocks to Wal*Mart.

Yesterday was a major cluster bomb I had a surprise inspection at work at 6:00am I then got off work at 7:00 and came home and fell asleep since I had been up all night working and studying. I slept through three alarms and 2 phone calls finally waking up at 1:35pm which would have been fine if I wasn't suppose to be in class at 1:00pm to take My British Literature test. I then proceeded to drive to class yes I actually drove across the street to save 5 minutes which is actually dumb but I was able to find a parking spot. Then I ran inside and thank god my teacher took pitty on me and allowed me to take the test. Which did not go as well as I had hoped. I think had I not been frazzled it would have been a bit better.

After class I went to Pros for half price appetizer and sat and watch my friends get sloshed. I had to work so I was unable to participate. The evening led into our Holiday work party where we bowled and and everyone got extremely toasted. I then walked home (see I'm not completely lazy) and then went to work Woo Hoo! My life is so exciting.

This weekend I want to thoroughly clean my bedroom and my spare room. Decorate my house for christmas and prepare the tree to be decorated.

Did I mention I have a new crush. He's adorable and fun to drool over. Don't know yet if it will lead to anything, but one can always hope!

well it is off for now. Hope my little post was enjoyable!

I would also like to add how grateful I am to be lying in a very warm bed when it is so cold outside, I know that some people are not as fortunate. I am thankful for the things I do have and I think it's important to appreciate the small things we take advantage of like my big fuzzy blue blanket and the three kitty's laying on me keeping me warm!

2007-11-27T01:51:00.001-06:00

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So Tired.

2007-11-18T09:20:00.000-06:00

I think the night shift is getting to me. I am so tired, but I can't seem to go to sleep. So I lay in bed trying to force myself to sleep and in the process I start thinking about everything, and my over active imagination kicks in and next thing you know, I'm in the midst of a full blown panic attack over absolutely nothing. I think I will be happy when the semester is over and I have a month to regroup and reenergize myself. It always seems that at this point things become over whelming and it's hard to keep pushing yourself forward. So I am lying in bed watching Ratatouille I believe it may be raining outside. Hopefully the rain wont interrupt my sleep.

2007-11-05T19:54:00.001-06:00

I am at a crossroads yet again, facing decisions I thought had already been made and I'm lost at what to do. I went in for my advising this semester and was sent to academic advising, because once again I was registered an taking classes I already had credit for. Even though I registered based of of my advising session with academic advising this summer. I go to academic advising again, and the woman questions me about why I even want to pursue my bachelors degree and continues to inform me that it is going to take me another 4 and a half years to graduate. Which I ask since I have already been here for a year and a half why it would take me longer to graduate than a normal freshman, and she responded by saying oh I'm sorry I meant 4 and a half semesters at 16 credits a semester and since most classes are 3 credits thats not possible so I'm looking at 5 to 6 semesters and I work full time so 16 credits is next to impossible since the art classes are all studio classes and are 3 hrs long each. Now last semester I was told it would take me 2 years to graduate. A year ago when I came to the school and they looked over all my transcripts I was told it would take me 2 years to graduate so I have no gaurantee that in another year they are not going to tell me the exact same thing. I am so frustrated i feel like I have wasted a lot of time and money although the personal experience has been rewarding. Then today There is a graphic design job in the paper for the newspaper in town. I don't know if this is a coincidence or a sign or what to think. So I'm going to review all of my options. I'm going to send my resume into the news paper, and then I'm going to decided what to do with the rest of my life. I know i have two college degrees, I know that I can get a job, I know that I don't need a bachelors degree, but I really wanted one. But logically I don't think I'm on the right path. I should never have gone to a school who has a coyote as a mascott, I feel like I've been dooped. And maybe I should channel the roadrunner and flee while I still have my sanity.

My Pumpkin.

2007-10-30T08:28:00.001-05:00

I felt this was so true to what I've been going through lately.

2007-10-28T08:01:00.000-05:00

Eight of Chalices

The Eight of Chalices card suggests that my power today lies in space. I am true to myself and will only regret the chances I don't take to seek or follow my hearts desire. I turn away from or make a clean sweep of that which does not honor or sustain my passion and love, and in this, I am not afraid to be alone. I am empowered to move forward or make space and my gift is letting go.

Wow it has been awhile.

2007-10-22T01:46:00.000-05:00

I did not realize it had been so long since my last blog post. Things have not been to insane around here. I have run into a few bumps with school which I am currently working on getting straightened out. I have decided to place my photography on sale on the deviant art site. It may not sell but I decided I needed to give it a shot. I am excited for Halloween but as of right now I have to work and am looking for someone to switch shifts with. Worst case scenario I'll hang out at home and hand out Candy until it's time to go to work. I am currently working with a learning specialist to improve my study skills, I really want to do better in school and make sure that I am retaining all of the information I am learning. I would also like to work on losing weight. This has always been a big issue for me and it just seems to get worse as I get older. The weather is turning cold which of course is not my most favorite thing. But I am trying to look for positive things to having cold weather. When I come up with some good ones I'll let you know. I will go into more details later about school and classes and all that great stuff but for now I have some sonnets that I need to read.

2007-10-02T23:45:00.001-05:00

Get this counter at reddragondesigns.net

J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS!

2007-10-01T23:41:00.000-05:00

Frustrations Soaring!

2007-09-24T13:54:00.000-05:00

I am so frustrated. I feel like I have been sitting here for hours trying to write a paper for class that was due this morning. Everything I write sounds so cliche'. I cannot manage to write an intellectual sentence about anything. My words are boring and what I have to say is completely uninteresting. Much like this blog entry. I guess I just thought if I vented out my frustrations it would help me get to what I need to say. I hate this about myself, my inability to focus. I feel like a complete idiot. I know that I'm intelligent, I know that I have interesting and witty things to say, but they seem trapped in the back of my mind and it is driving me crazy!

George Rule

2007-09-12T22:49:00.001-05:00

This movie was not as horrible as everyone made it out to be. It was not the best movie I have ever seen. But I thought it was an interesting story. The acting could have been a bit better. But all in all it was definitely a way to kill two hrs on a quiet night.

Washing it all away.

2007-09-12T22:35:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I am going home for the first time in four years, and to say the least my anxiety level is nearing freak out. I know that this disorder is completely mind over matter. But it always amazes me the amount of strength it takes to over come these episodes. I am so excited about seeing my brother and sister in law and all of my friends, and I refuse to let this disorder debilitate me. I have come so far in the last three years and I know that I am strong enough to over come anything that I face. I guess I write this as more of a reassurance to myself. To allow myself to get out all of these worries and fears. To know that I will be gone for a short period of time, and I'll be safe and this weekend is going to be so super exciting. I've already packed my suitcase and I am ready to go. And on Friday when it's 570 outside. I will be nice and warm.

I suppose life has just been a bit stressful lately. Moving, school starting, work, going to this reunion, so on and so forth. I am excited that it will soon be October my most favorite holiday of the entire year, and today I bought new shampoo that smells like spiced Pumpkin. I could eat the entire bottle!

It's Raining

2007-08-22T14:46:00.000-05:00

It’s Raining

Last week I went home to Minnesota and the local churches were gathering together for rain prayers. The fields have been horrible dry this summer and the crops are not doing well. Today on CNN you can see the Minnesota, South Dakota, Wisconsin, and Nebraska along with several other states are in the midst of flood and thunderstorm warnings. It has been raining and will continue to rain over the next 3 days. And so as I sit here typing this I have to wonder if there is indeed some connection between the two?

Pack Pack Packing.....

2007-08-20T19:20:00.000-05:00

So I found a new place to live in Vermillion. It is a trailer which I was not too excited about, but I walked through and I thought about it thoroughly and it really seemed the best option at this point. See I have these two furry things that live with me, that landlords seem to be desperately afraid of. I started packing a few days ago, and have so far managed to pack 8 totes. Which containt my dishes and the nicknack's in my living room. The next will be the book case, Then the DVD's. The bathroom and finally the bedroom. Woo hoo. I think I'm making good time though. It always seems no matter how much you plan and try to be very thorough it always seems that when it comes down to the last second, it is rush rush rush rush rush. Oh well. I hope everything goes over well, and that my new place turns out to be as lovely as this place, because I really like living here.

Pondering

2007-08-18T18:42:00.000-05:00

What is it about us as humans that allows us to have complete disregard for each other and for ourselves. Why do we do things knowing that it is disrespectful to someone else. That our actions could cause someone else pain. And these are not things we can apologize for. We can not go back and say oh I am sorry I did not mean to do this, or to hurt. To do that would be a lie because we do these things, fully aware of the consequences, fully aware of our actions, and yet we don't care. I know that I personally feel better about myself when I do things that don't harm people. When I can walk through life with a clean conscience. And I stray like all humans do. I do things and then I look back and think wow that was a really shitty thing I did. Or I could have handled myself differently. I think part of growing up is learning how to become a better person. It is making mistakes and learning and somehow redeeming yourself for the actions you have taken. I don't strive to be perfect. I don't think anyone is perfect, but I want to be a good person, and to do good things for myself and for the people around me.

2007-08-13T10:33:00.000-05:00

I just finished watching The US vs. John Lennon, I never know what to expect from a documentary. This particular documentary appeared to be straight to the point, it had very interesting news clips and interviews from a wide variety of politicians, radicals, and other figures in the media. I have never read or study the John Lennon case, or anything outside of his musical background so whither or not the documentary was accurate I am unable to say, but it was such an interesting account. John Lennon’s life not only as a musician but also as an activist and most of all as a human being was extraordinary.
Questions always arise in my mind when watching information from this era. Has society lost its touch? Have we become so accustomed to bowing down to the system that standing up for what believe has taken a low priority on our list of things to accomplish. Are we so used to war and other criminal activities that we no longer question the government’s actions when dealing with these situations. When looking back, the 60’s and 70’s have become looked upon as decades of change, decades of making a difference. Decades that truly molded our country into what it is today. But everyday decisions are being made, history is still being changed, and it seems in our fast growing world, we no longer take the time or make the effort to follow progress, or regression. Are the actions taking place in this day and age, any less important than those made 40 years ago. Do the actions we take today not affect those of future generations, as much as the actions of our parents affected us.
I’m sure this sounds like the usual blabber. How can we make a difference? Blah Blah Blah. I’m not suggesting becoming radicals, storming capitols, Causing chaos. I am simply saying that maybe we close our eyes to quickly at what is happening around us. That we should look not only at the past and present, but what we can do to ensure a livable future for those who come after us. I think it is important to exist peacefully, to recognize the difference between those around the world, and embrace those differences with understanding. And realize that understanding and acceptance are not the same thing. I think it is important to question that which we don’t understand,
I am just as guilty as the next person of being indifferent, of being to busy to attempt to make a difference, to busy surviving to strive for something greater than what we have. It’s just something for all of us to think about. None the less this was an excellent documentary.

And I cried myself to sleep.

2007-08-11T20:44:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile since I cried myself to sleep. I was on the phone with my mom and I didn't get to sleep until around noon today. I guess the money situation and everything just caught up with me, and I just let it out. It really feels like everything is falling part. And I'm trying desperately to keep it all together. I just keep hoping that this will work itself out. that some how it will all become just a little bit easier. It's off to work again, I need to shower and eat and then drive my happy ass to work.

So The Internet Is Back Up and Running.

2007-08-11T10:05:00.000-05:00

My internet is back up and running. Although I must say the week without it was rather refreshing. I think I am definitely going to start limiting myself to the amount of time I spend casually looking at complete crap when I could be doing productive or creative. So thats my plan. The hole financial aid thing is still going to hell, hopefully I will be able to figure something out. And unlike last year, I am actually excited about school starting. I have this feeling like things are going to be really good. I hope I'm not sorely disappointed.

Still without internet.

2007-08-08T20:43:00.000-05:00

So I'm sitting at Taco John's still without internet. I thought I would actually make it through the entire day until my mom called to tell me the loan papers didn't come through correctly and I needed to e-mail them again. Went to the cable company, they were no help, in fact they told me to call customer service followed by "but there moving the offices so your not going to be able to get a hold of anyone." So I went to the store and bought the latest copy of Jane and Vogue and I sat outside and read which was really nice and made me wonder why I didn't do stuff like that more often. So I think I will definitely try before the weather goes bad. Otherwise I watched the first disc of Dead Like Me but to my disappointment it only had the pilot epidsode on it so I must wait until tomorrow to get the other 13 episodes. I've been cutting and pasting pictures into my mini art book that was laying unused in a box, and I have been getting this urge to write so I think I will give it a try tonight and see what happens. Ta Ta for now!

Does it get any better than this?

2007-08-07T01:47:00.000-05:00

The New York Jets meet Elmo on Season 38 of Sesame Street

http://www.muppetcentral.com/news/2007/011607.shtml

2007-08-06T19:39:00.001-05:00

I had heard of this series, but I never got around to watching it. But I used my free hours of TV downloads on Netflix to watch the first episode and I have now ordered the entire first season to watch. I find it fabulous! It is truley a unique idea, and so funny. It reminded me of a short story written by a fried of my called Two Urinals From Death. Unfortunately there is no way for me to link you to the story, but it is wonderfully creative. Anyways I am sure I will be updating with lots of laughs about this TV show!

Somersault

2007-08-06T19:31:00.001-05:00

I had to start watching this movie twice, it took a bit to get into it, but once I put away all the distractions and focused on the plot, I thought it was a pretty good movie. Definitely an interesting story compared to most. Not recommended for anyone who hates British or foreign cinema, but if your a fan of these genre's I would definitely check this out.

A Quick Update!

2007-08-06T19:10:00.000-05:00

So I have not forgotten about my blog. I currently do not have internet service at home. I would like to take the responsibility of this and say I just didn't pay the bill, but the fact is midcontinent communications are a bunch of fucks and I have no cable, no internet, a 350.00 for two months service, not to mention they gave me a lovely phone call at 1:00am on Saturday morning. Yes 1:00am. I was completely livid.

So over the last week I made the trip home to see my mom. When I got there the dog was very ill and I spent my first day at the vet with her. She seems to be doing fine now. I saw my grandma who seems to be doing by the day. Her memory is week but physically she seems so much stronger. My mom made her second trip to the Mayo clinic and the doctors believe that she should heal and not be as sick as she has been.

I went to my ex boyfriends graduation, and I use the term ex boyfriend weakly because we are crossing that barrier into just friends and he deserves to be entitled as something else as just an X. Graduation was hard, it took several deep breathes and a lot of self control. Not to mention a roller coaster of emotion and a close ditch towards the beginning of the ceremony. But despite feeling replaced and completely out of my element, I made it. And I am glad I went because if I stayed home I would have regretted it and ended up feeling petty.

I found out that my financial aid is not enough to cover my tuition, I am severely behind on my bills and need desperately to find a new apartment in Vermillion. So one day at a time I am taking everything. I am going to start clearing out crap and packing up the things I don't use everyday. Like dishes, I tend to use paper plates. I am looking forward to school starting. I really should have tried to fill in a different class on Monday Wednesdays and Friday and to drop my class on Tuesdays and Thursday. I don't know yet if that is going to happen though.

I am also in the process of purchasing my airplane ticket and getting stuff together for my high school reunion, although the date of the reunion could not be worse for me since it is the weekend of the first full week of school and it requires me missing class.
Work is about the same. Same old bullshit different day.

I have tons of other stuff to write about, vent about and so on and so forth but at last I have to leave soon and do not have time for an update.
Topics that have been at the top of conversations lately.
The bridge collapsing in Minneapolis.
The Rugby team.
Football season.
Old friends, new crises.
And so on and so forth.
But this is it for now. Until later take care!